31/01/24
Unsurprisingly, i lost a lot, and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT of people i cared about, all because of my illness... well, also because of me being foolish. But i cannot afford to care right now. After all, the only constant is change. I knew this was gonna happen. And i wouldn't mind losing a few more people if neccessary. Although it gets lonely for me at times. That's why i added my discord to the frontpage. One of the people i have lost recently told me i am way too nonchalant and that it makes me dislikeable, but i don't see the reason to care about things that don't affect me or cause an unpleasant reaction from my brain, you know? it's funny how the human decides to react to things that don't really matter, like internet popularity, drama, the death of an unrelated person, an offensive joke. Oh well. I guess we do live in an absurd world where the only importance held by things is the importance we let them have.

Anyway. i'm still having nightmares, nightmares about my death, about my illness. Also every day my memory is more and more fuzzy, sometimes i get memories and i can't tell if it happened in reality, in a dream or if it didn't happen at all, and to top it all, i've been sick. almost passed out the other day, but it felt amazing. I could mentally feel as if everything around me became an abstract concept of matter and reality. yes, i felt as if things were made out of reality. my vision became really fuzzy but i dont remember what i saw, i felt very dizzy and euphoric. but that only lasted about one second and suddenly everything was normal again, i laughed and moved on.

I finished a decent portion of the javascript color converter, it's been fun so far. Also, got a new phone, it's a Samsung Galaxy a34 5G and i'm very happy with it ^^